Musings of a Conflicted Mind

Finally, I always go to sea as a sailor, because of the wholesome exercise and pure air of the fore-castle deck. For as in this world, head winds are far more prevalent than winds from astern.

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Musings of a Conflicted Mind

Musings of a Conflicted Mind, examines the full range of my kaleidoscopic existence. My childhood was perniciously influenced by learning disabilities, physical and psychological abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, sex addiction, and mental illness. In the mist of my turbulent childhood, I experienced acts of love and kindness from the person who beat me violently, when the stress of being black in America was more than he could bear. The mixed messages of love and trauma, which were directed at me by my father, caused me to succumb to dysfunctional fear, shame and guilt. The emotional and psychological dissonance I experienced during this phase of my life, forced me to find ways to escape from my unbearable existence. My pubescent hard penis, and drugs and alcohol, became a magic elixir that allowed me to live in a fictitious world of my choosing.

My teenage years, and portions of my adult life, were besieged by violence, sex addiction, illiteracy, mental illness, and drug and alcohol abuse. However, these struggles didn’t defeat me. Witnessed by the fact that I became self-educated, and went on to enjoy a very successful business career. I also discovered that while my father went too far when disciplining me, it was his teachings and sage advice that kept me alive and out of prison. Getting sober and growing spiritually made life far more manageable. However, dealing with depression and anxiety became a continuous battle. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the thoughts of worthlessness and self-hatred. These intrusive thoughts most definitely fueled my depression and anxiety, and made intimacy hard to attain.

Black and white racism continuously kept me off balance. It was much easier for me to come to grips with white oppression, than it was to accept that blacks mistreated each other because they were mired in self-hatred. While my black friends and family vociferously denied this claim, their behavior and actions defied their hollow rhetoric. Thus, I found it problematic to understand myself, and the world around me.

In essence, Musings of a Conflicted Mind, unflinchingly describes my challenges, successes, failures, and yearnings to find a peaceful place in our society.

– David Juan Wooldridge

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A Story About

Emotions

David's depression, addiction, and substance abuse kept him on an emotional rollercoaster. There were many instances in early life when he experienced visceral emotional pain.

Spirituality

The spiritual discoveries often came with innumerable unanswered questions. In spite of this, David's focus was continuously on growing spiritually and becoming a better version of himself.

Journey

In the midst of all challenges - success and failure, this book is a tale of a person not afraid to show his weaknesses. David is still fighting a constant battle against slavery and racism in American.

David Juan Wooldridge

David Wooldridge was a successful executive in corporate America. He was fortunate enough to work for a fortune 50 company; in which he launched new businesses, managed sales and marketing organizations, and was promoted to Vice Present and General Manager, of a business unit that spanned North America. David went on to become CEO of a wireless interoperability consulting firm, that played and integral role in helping state, local and federal government agencies plan and build a nationwide interoperable wireless multimedia network, to combat terrorist attacks, and other catastrophic emergencies that threatened the lives of Americans.

David has dealt with learning disabilities, addiction and mental health challenges, which taught him any challenge can be overcome; with faith in god, optimism, and inexorable discipline. David currently devotes his time to mental health business coaching and consulting; to help business leaders determine where they fall on the mental health spectrum. Armed with this discovery, David collaborates with his client’s to develop strategies and action plans, to help them become more productive professionals, and better attuned sentient beings in all aspects of life.

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